As-Yet-Untitled Story Opening
Lily could remark lazily how her bank account couldn’t handle all this alcohol, but every hour or so she still lazily called the boy in the black pants and sky blue shirt over to her pool chair with a few snaps and a wave to order another cocktail. And a few minutes later, the same boy, or another (Lily told her she couldn’t tell them apart) would scuttle over from the bar by the hot tub, unsteady on the puddled tile, and present her with the concoction, always with a slight bow that seemed more terrified than deferential. The drink was always charged to the room–Lily didn’t carry cash here.
“You know those cost like seven dinar, right?” Kate asked her.
Lily raised her sunglasses to look at her, squinting. “How many US dollars is that? Like, ten?”
“Yeah, about ten.”
Lily swirled her glass around, watching the muddled lime float then sink to the bottom again, before taking another sip. “Ah, fuck it. My mum is paying for the spa, I can afford a few drinks.”
It's got some good images and action so far, and you're starting to let us know who Lily is . . . a good opening, however, will reveal more than one element of the story. Right now, your opening is letting us know that Lily is spoiled but it needs to do more to draw us in, as she's not very likeable.
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