"Red Checkered Suit" Response

       The man in the red checkered suit is a withdrawn individual harboring an intense, secret affection for Cheryl, a waitress at a local diner. Over the course of the story, the reader learns of the depth of his fascination, to the extent that he frequently follows her home. One day, Cheryl notices his stalking, and in an accident in their altercation she falls and suffers a serious injury. 

One thing I really enjoyed about this story is the unassuming and casual tone with which the speaker describes events that are ostensibly highly problematic. What seems like a harmless crush turns far more sinister, but the tone still remains outwardly milk and pleasant, which throws the nature of his obsession, and the reader’s growing knowledge of it, into greater contrast. I also enjoyed the hints of dark humor that pervaded “Red Checkered Suit,” in instances like the description of the man’s childhood experiences at the Natural History Museum, where visitors “picked their noses or smacked a rowdy kid when they thought no one was watching.” The appearance of the protagonist himself, in the title of the story, didn’t seem strange to me until his character and mental judgement were called into question. I think even more instances of humor like this would heighten the contrast even further. 

I do have a few suggestions for how “Red Checkered Suit” could be improved. I would like to know the specific setting of the story; this is obviously an urban environment, but I think setting it in a specific city and state could add a lot to the story. Along with setting, I’d like to know how long his ritual of watching Cheryl at the diner has been going on. If it’s been an extended period, if seems odd that she wouldn’t have recognized him or engaged with him. Also, there seems to be a verb tense shift on page 6 from past to present. It goes from past, as in “The air was thick…” to present in “People are starting…”. I like the story from the man’s at the end; I wish this theme which I sensed throughout the story (male violence, physical or whether mental/emotional, against women and onlookers’ indifference) had been more developed throughout. Perhaps I’m looking too far into one anecdote, but its placement as the concluding image seems to suggest I’m not.