Sunday, August 24, 2014

Alternate Story Opening

The initial opening to my story took the form of in media res, which is how I prefer to begin my stories. However, I thought I'd try an alternate opening in a form I tend to avoid: setting. I typically avoid setting because I feel it is often overdone and occasionally boring. In this alternate opening, I tried to establish the dominant images of the setting while maintaining the tone of my original opening and the rest of the story, as I am envisioning it.
       
Alternate Opening
        The sunlight reflected harshly off the pool’s surface, throwing sparkling glare onto the patrons sprawled by its side. There were far too many bees buzzing around, mostly by the purple flowers spilling from their confines by the stairs leading up to the resort rooms. Occasionally they flew too close to the water and were hit by a tidal wave of splash conjured by one of the few children playing in the shallow pool. Once hit, they fell and struggled, tiny limbs pumping, to free themselves from the chill watery embrace. Their black appendages slowed and then were still, and they expired before being sucked into the whir of the pool filter. 
If you listened closely you could sometimes hear the crash of the ocean several hundred feet down the shore, but never the keening call to prayers you could hear in the city center. This place was insulated from all that, an escape from the culture the tourists had ostensibly come to see. There were no ruins or Mosaic landmarks here; there were only waves and overpriced cocktails served poolside and dead bees floating in the tepid water. 

1 comment:

  1. I like the thoughtfulness of this a lot; I find it more intriguing and inviting than your in medias res opening.

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