"Three Things Cannot Long Be Hidden" Response

        The speaker, Lanie, is a police officer assigned to partner with the fiancé, Philip, of her sister Rachel. Lanie and Philip had a brief affair before Lanie realized his identity, and she is now pregnant with her future brother in law’s child. Lanie must deal with the guilt of how she has betrayed her sister, and the emotional trauma of working a difficult case with someone she now detests. 

There were several things I enjoyed about this story. One thing was the in media res opening, which there the reader immediately into the principle conflict of the story, that of partnering with Philip. Another thing I enjoyed was how the narration gave the reader certain clues about the speaker, ones that from her characterization we can assume she would be unlikely to expend time and energy explaining. An example of this I found was when Lanie says that “Philip is one of those cops who are good cops but bad people, which you would think would be impossible…” The reader knows that there are many “bad” and corrupt police officers, but the fact that Lanie comments that this is so unlikely gives a clue to the fervency with which she loves her profession. 

However, I would have liked to learn much more about Lanie, Rachel, and Philip as people, particularly the relationship between the two sisters, as this could give more of a clue as to why Lanie cannot bring herself to tell Rachel about Philip’s infidelity. Right now, her silence on the matter seems inexplicable. The addition of more introspective thought, narration, or memory, rather than mostly dialogue, in the scene between them, could help this. Second, the story begins on a high note of tension, with Lanie’s exclamatory curses and sentences like “My insides freeze over.” It seems like the tension already begins so high that it cannot build steadily to the climax. I would suggest beginning with more neutral language that still communicates her distress, or rearranging the scenes of the story so the tension can build more steadily. Also, the first page of the story makes a reference to a “screw up” Lanie made the previous month, which is why she was assigned a partner. The reader never learns what this mistake was, but including it could give characterization and a point of vulnerability to a character that seems somewhat impenetrable.